On feeling enough

I never felt that I was enough as a kid. I gradually realized this over the past couple of months, and have been working hard to unlearn that toxic mentality.

The realization is this: I am enough as is. I do not need to seek validations from others. Praises and affirmations would be great at times, but they do not have to be present constantly. I now try to achieve my goals if and only if I want to. If I do not, I am still going to allow myself to be.

I guess I KNEW this all along. The difference this time is that I DARED to actually take a leap of faith. I had to muster up a lot of courage, and I am glad I did.

Now that I think about it, I have to admit, I got a lot done before I realized all this. The thing is, those achievements were fueled by a dirty energy called “resentment”, both for myself and the world. It worked, and it burnt bright maybe, but it hardly generated any warmth. It took me a while before I realized that it was never about me not refilling this dirty fuel fast enough. I picked the wrong fuel this whole time. It was not my fault that I was handed a cargo full of this dirty fuel. I guess I had no choice back then. But I do now. And I am definitely responsible for stopping myself before I keep shoveling more in.

True validation and enoughness comes from within. Keep that in mind, Cornelius.