The Cancer That Is Killing /b/

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

DOHOHOHOHO!

The cancer on a map

1This article was written by a newfag, lest ye forget.
2Main Cancer Culprits
3Other Threats:
4Copypasta Cure for the cancer that is killing /b/
5See Also

This article was written by a newfag, lest ye forget.

The cancer that is killing /b/ is a phrase commonly tossed around 4chan, referring to any symptom(s) responsible for the apparent decline in the quality of /b/ over the years. It is unknown to many, and to those it is know they know it as the big fuck you to the patient, and has been speculated by some to be various things. Many have speculated the cancer was caused by The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006, the Faux News outing of 2007, Project Chanology, and a number of other things, but since /b/tards have been whining about n00bs since day one, it is now known that /b/ was born with cancer. The cancer originally meant retarded newfags who crapflood /b/ with old memes that they discovered on ED Last Thursday.

Moot has stated that raids are the cancer that is killing /b/ [1]. This is due to the proven fact that he is a genius who likes delicious soup.

The phrase has since been taken up by those of other boards, as well, and is used to describe any major problem of that particular community. Or any minor problem. Or anything at all that the poster happens to disagree with. So, "The Cancer That Is Killing /b/" (or rather "The Cancer That Is Killing /any board/") has sort of become a catch-all phrase for butthurt faggots who think they are being trolled and "their" board ruined. Calling the offenders newfags also comes with the territory.

Oh and what would /b/ be without newfags?

Main Cancer Culprits

Damn straight, Arguecat.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

Actually, /b/ was originally 14 year olds pretending to be adults acting like 14 year olds.

Typical newfags

YET ANOTHER!!!

House cured the cancer.

Fail

Bjweeks

A constant problem.

Here are some of the worst threats to /b/, as presented by random dipshits who likely have no idea what they're talking about:

Admins

When mods, and admins just stop giving a shit, their *chans tend to fall into the pit trap of cancerous aids, and eventually null root. This is most notable in 4chan, where the detestable muffpoot's e-penis is directly dependent on the size of his user base. Meaning that to him, furries and gaiafags are A-OK! Most of the time, however, when the admins stop caring they close down their chan, as has been the fate of many a shitty *chan board, and thus, it takes a special breed of faggot to let himself be the cancer of his own chan... and some people wonder why he's called a genius.

One of the biggest cancers of /b/, even more than any user is when the chan lags and dies. Every day, moot makes /b/ go slower and slower, while making the other boards on 4chan go faster and faster. Moot is also too lazy to implement tiny fixes to solve huge problems in /b/ that have existed for years and he also is too lazy to do anything about how over >9000% of /b/'s posts are spam from Anontalk.com. Thus, moot truly is the cancer that is killing /b/.

Newfags

Newfags have the stereotype of having no idea there are rules or a FAQ and just don't know when to stop posting and start lurking. 99 % of newfags are under 18; (also known as underage B&) who will do all sorts of typical teenage bullshit like giving camwhores attention, trying to use /b/ as their personal army, trying to use anon as a means of spreading justice/goodwill, arguing over Mac vs PC's, wars over circumcision or nations, getting offended by everything,have stupid posts which include at least 100 memes each, and all other shit nobody cares about. They all need to drink some lead-based paint and retard themselves out of existence

Oldfags

Oldfags are the malignant cells that are killing /b/. They, or rather some of them, were once a creative force for lulz in the universe, posting guro, inventing Caturday, and cyberstalking Cracky-chan. But, like anything old, they have grown stale and shitty and whine about the younger crop while talking about how great things were back in their day. This is pure bullshit as anyone with a brain knows that /b/ was NEVER good. Also, like the good pedophiles they truly are, they consistently bitch and moan about the decline in the amount of CP on /b/. The only amount of lulz they produce now is the inevitable drama that results from their posts about how they are leaving /b/ forever. About half of all "cancerous" posts are actually oldfags bitching about the "cancer".

Gaiafags

Although they might know a little more about memes than your average newfag, Gaiafags are considered far worse by many. Coming from one of the biggest concentrations of stupid on the interwebs, Gaiafags seem to ruin everything in /b/ that they touch like a King Midas of FAIL. They ruin memes by yelling them out loud in IRL and giggle about it with their friends at school in a massive orgy of faggotry. Worse still is that they claim to be "true" /b/ tards, even though they are easily identified by their teenage stupidity. Infamous example of this: Trey Burba.

Namefags

Namefags are just newfags who post their names and fail because they seek attention and recognition on an anonymous image board because their parents don't show them any. Often gain a superiority complex because of the name/tripcode, believing themselves to be above the lowly Anonymii.

Camwhores

What you'd typically expect from a camwhore on /b/.

Girls and guys alike who post Internet Disease ridden pictures of themselves asking stupid questions like "am I hot?" or "I don't think im pretty..." and other facepalm-inducing cries for attention. Once banned by mods, and dealt with the simple TITS OR GTFO rule, camwhores are getting more common in /b/ due to lonely newfags giving them attention and bumping the thread in their desperate attempts to get E-Laid. Newfags that repost Camwhores should be saged on sight for massive faggotry. Either that, or the mods can start using their banhammers on these fuckers, but go figure the odds on that. (For the record, they're one in nine thousand, due to moot being a fag.)

Draw-whores

Imagine camwhores, only these particular ones are so fucking ugly that they post MSPaint pics of themselves instead of mugshots. These threads are full of even more fail, and are just slight variations of the original pic with them droning on over non-existent problems. Gaiafags are responsible for keeping these threads popular.

Project Chanology

What once began as a genuinely lulzy trolling of a major global organization over their futile attempt to censor the internet and remove a video of Tom Cruise has since bloated into one of the biggest sources of embarrassments to come out of the internet in some time. Basically, at some point between the initial pestering of Scientology orgs from behind computers and dancing around in public to Rick Astley music while wearing Guy Fawkes masks and holding up Longcat signs, Chanology turned pretty gay. People can and will continue to argue over the exact point it turned to shit, but one thing can be agreed upon: Chanology should just be put out of its misery before it can cause any more damage.

Here are some examples of the remnants of the fail:

Forced Memes

Once upon a time, memes became memes because they were either a hilarious pairing of an image and text, a catchphrase, an image with hilarious copypasta, or anything else that had some inherent comedic value. Now more than ever, faggots are just trying to post nonsensical bullshit over and over again in an attempt to be responsible for the next big thing for either attention or to claim E-Fame, taking no concern for the fact that they're ruining the board in the process.

Invasions

According to some, at Otakon's 2007 4chan panel, when asked by a random nigra if an /i/ board would be added, moot responded that they are for faggots who deserve nothing less than Raptor Jesus to shit on them, and that it is the cancer that is killing /b/. He was absolutely right, because these internet tough guys are dragging people in with their fight-club mentality. While most invasions are utter shit that bring in hordes of newfags, it is important to note that a well-planned, well-executed raid (with adherence to rules 1&2) can bring much-needed lulz to our dying dystopia. It doesn't need /i/ in order to do this though, because /i/ is full of retards. It needs people that aren't retarded; basically, it has to be done somewhere other than a chan. Things on /i/ can go one of two ways: Way #1:

Newfag #1: HAY GUISE LOL WUT CHARGIN LAZOR LOLZ SHOOP DA WHOOP THIS KID TOOK MY LUNCH MONEY CALL HIM AND SAY BAD THINGS HERES HIS NUMBER LOLZ 696 696 6969 BUT BECAREFUL HE DOSNT AFRAID OF ANYTHING

/i/ fag: OMG GTFO MY /i/ NOT UR PERSONAL ARMY OMG JESUS CHRIST NEWFAG

Way #2:

Newfag #2: DUDE GUYS. I JUST GOT THE GREATEST IDEA. HOW ABOUT IF WE...READY FOR THIS? HOW ABOUT WE RAID GAIA?! PRETTY CLEVAR AND ORIGINAL, AMIRITE?!

/i/fag: GTFO MY /i/

No successful invasions have been pulled off by /i/ in a long fucking time (even failing at Habbo). They just sorta drag in newfags.

Encyclopedia Dramatica

For cataloging the sacred memes of the chans, thus allowing anybody to come along and learn about chan culture without lurking. Often exaggerated in its effects by rabid newfags looking for a scapegoat, though. Also frequently accused of promoting awareness of /b/, as if /b/'s a fucking secret club or something. According to the gentlemen of /r9k/, E D presents /b/'s inside jokes out of context, thus sending new people to /b/ with all the wrong thoughts in their heads. Nevermind the fact that chantards are the ones who come here and create the articles in the first place. For instance, who do you think writes all the bullshit on this page?

Spam

Although moot lied to Time Magazine about spammers not bothering on 4chan, any time you go in /b/, every thread will be spammed by the bot for Anontalk.com and various other places, often multiple times. Even when /b/ is so laggy that no one can post, the Anontalk spambot is still spamming away. The 4chan mods are also part of the cancer for ignoring all reports about this. It is estimated that 50% of /b/'s posts are Anontalk spam.

Brown box

Open this image.
Save it as 4chan.js
Open the file you saved.
???
Shit bricks.

A truly malignant tumour.

Other Threats:

No.

Here is a list of other things have been thought to be the cancer that is killing /b/:

Dongs

Cut vs. Uncut troll wars
Rate my needle dick threads
Gay porn dumps
Underage boy cawk
"I just realized I'm gay, how do I hook up with my best friend?"

People

General faggotry

Extreme faggotry

Amerifag vs. Eurofag troll wars
Come chat with (x)!
Newfags Can't (x)
You Laugh, You Lose
Diminishing Returns
Hook-up threads
this is my /b/ face
ಠ_ಠ

Forced Memes

Copypasta Cure for the cancer that is killing /b/

Oh my sweet /b/!

/b/ fucks up again!

Here's a piece of delicious copypasta that surfaced on /b/ in order to help prevent the cancer from spreading. However, use of this pasta only results in proving that you are a fucking faggot. Coincidentally, copypasta of any kind only adds to the cancer, so posting the following will result in a rift between your own balls to appear and consume your pathetic excuse of a penis.

This is a message to all newfags and cancer currently killing /b/: What the fuck do you think this is, some place where you can just waltz in unannounced and be received with arms wide open? WELL FUCK THAT! This is motherfucking /b/, bitch. WE call the shots. WE ALWAYS get shotgun. WE don't give a fuck who you are, because WE are infinitely more important than you. WE are always first in line. WE rob banks, charities, and ANYONE else who fucking pisses us off. This place is more than just a place, faggot, it is an IDEOLOGY. And this ideology says you need to GET THE FUCK OUT. No one here will ever like you. WE have already established cliques, slop-worthy-hoes, and prop-worthy-bros, GOT IT? WE are the ideology of elitism, exploitation, and lulz. This isn't a fucking game, kid, so don't try to tag along. You're talking to people who have been around the block AND THEN SOME. WE pioneered class. WE made 'cool' cool. And you? What have you done? Jerked off in the shower? WE INVENTED JERKING OFF IN THE SHOWER, you stupid bitch. There is a clear-cut, defined, infinitely thick WALL between you and us. WE built the wall that keeps you fags OUT. So don't try to act like you know what the fuck is going on, because you don't. You just do NOT. But you really think you can compete with /b/? LOL WOW Don't make me start flaming you. Are you forgetting who we are? WE are the ones who film people like you getting fucking destroyed by us. WE will rip your ASSHOLE out of your fucking rectum, STITCH IT on top of your pitiful dick hole, and then fuck you in the VAGINA we just made for you. SO WE MAKE YOU INTO A BITCH. Do you get it now? This site isn't a game, it isn't a place to 'chill' with your fags, and it isn't some fucking haven where people like you can get acceptance from people like US. IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. JUST GTFO.

Here's some more copypasta that describes the issue at length:

4chan (4channel)is an image bard based on, and inspired by, 2channel (2chan.net) which is a Japanese image board. It is the largest English speaking image board of its type. It is a website designed for adults only. The culture of 4chan is a deeply complicated one. It is Japanese themed and inspired. The boards were originally organized by letter, a b c and so on. /b/ was and remains the "random" board, which is by far the most visited board on the site, receiving as it does over 100,000 posts a day. However, it is nothing remotely like or related to Gaia. It really is an adult web site. The long running joke that has developed over the past 3 or so years is that everybody on the website, (well, on /b/ anyway) whilst ADULTS, and reasonably intelligent ones at that, engage in moronic activities verging on the utterly stupid. The joke being that everyone acts like the same retarded individual. WHILST KNOWING THAT THEY ARE NOT. The joke is in the delivery. The humor was fairly unique, and ridiculously complex and almost impossible to follow as a newbie. The problem that has blighted 4chan in recent years (and which really started to kick in about 2 or so years ago) is that newcomers to the site, usually heading to /b/ to see what the fuss is all about, see the retardedness of people acting like 14 year olds, and then start thinking that indeed, the website is a place for 14 years olds to hang out and be retarded. This in turn lead to masses of underage users flooding the site. Recent media attention makes this problem increase. Eventually, so many 14 year olds end up browsing the site that the original adult userbase has been overshadowed by the masses of underage people who have now turned the joke inside out, and the site has now literally become a place for 14 year olds to be retarded. There are several problems with this. The first is that all the old populace of 4chan start whining about this very fact. The second is that the quality of posting completely degrades. The old rules were that you would have to lurk for ages before posting. And you actually would, because the in-jokes were so obscure and closely knit that lurking was the only way you had of knowing what the hell was going on. People now don't bother, and so many new users means that the original point of the board (an extension of a something awful sub forum celebrating a retarded sense of humor crossed with a love for Japanese animation) has been wiped clean. This is a direct result of the board achieving widespread popularity and new users from sites like this. So now, rather than massive photoshop contests (similar to Photoshop Friday on SomethingAwful) or well written stories, either humorous, or completely obscene, written by adults, the board is flooded with people posting pictures of themselves, reposting old, long dead memes (memetics; the idea of something catching on to the popular masses, think the stupid "whasssup" Budweiser adverts...idiots shouting it at their friends and so on) that are no longer funny, people taking the idea of anonymous/legion seriously (protip: it's a joke) people reposting threads such as "you raff you ruse" without sometimes even knowing what that means, and generally forgetting that 4chan is an IMAGEBOARD and that posts should be all about interesting/freaky/funny/downright disturbing photo's, drawings and photoshops.

Somehow this really touched moot's heart and moot got rid of forced Anonymous, thinking it would make everything better. Of course, this did not happen, and /b/ still sucks.